i am full of fear.
every second of every day i dread the loss of everything and everyone around me.
i'm fighting that fear but sometimes it overpowers all of the positive feelings that are just bubbling under the surface. and it keeps me stagnant and unable to take the bull by the horns...
i do have a positive attitude! its there i promise. i feel all of these wonderful things all the time. i feel loved. i feel beautiful. i feel like i have a wonderful future ahead of me. i feel like i have a creative mind just waiting to be exposed...
who am i answering to? who is this for? i mean...isn't this simply things i need to realize myself...say out loud...written on paper...or on the damn screen...so that i'm forced to see it. force myself to acknowledge te truth about who i am and where i am.
where am i?
and why can't i find myself?
i mean...i'm in there...come out! come out!
don't let the fucking fear take over gracie. bring the posi out to play.
things that make my heart beat faster:
contemporary art museums
people with outstanding fashion sense
artwork that looks like it was done by a 6yo yet really its done by an adult with an amazing sense of irony and simplistic beauty
beards
gender-queers
tourettes/aspergers
dark comedies
bondage and S&M
finding the best way to draw lips
DIY culture
nature...specifically the ocean...and mountains...the two combined is such a beautiful thing
collecting the rarest vinyl by bands that no one has ever heard of and completely obsessing over it
baking
RIOT GRRRLS
painting and sewing little girls and boys
hitchhiking and hitchhiking culture
afros
tattoos and piercings (at this point in my life...mostly excited by tattoos...and getting them...hopefully soon i will be getting them more often than i am at the moment...*sigh*)
dance parties
amazing fucking haircuts
sails-and sailboats-but mostly the sails
gin...or really good beer...and lately...a good red wine is the best thing imaginable
PAPER-i collect paper scraps and ephemera...i have three huge boxes of it in my room...and honestly there isn't much else in my room! i do use it...for art...it doesn't just sit there collecting dust
noise bands-preferably Bastard Noise-but i have been hearing a lot more lately and its so wonderful to have my ears assaulted in this way!
stuffed creatures and dolls made for adults
breakdancing
60's black chicago
the ideas and emotions associated with LUST
science fiction that challenges what i think i truly believe...such as Heinlen and Card
old friends becoming new again
baths (in claw-foot tubs)
making things with my hands
receiving gifts of items others have made with their hands
beautiful kinky sex
SHOES-seriously what would i do without a closet full of heels? it's not even like i where them!
modern architecture and prefab building
wool felt-what a beautiful tactile object felt is!
COLOR
lips
art supplies
magazines
thrift stores, estate sales, flea markets, and yard sales
manipulating my body (with yoga among other things)
i could go on...but i won't...the lists are usually never-ending though...and change frequently...
Why haven't you had a heart attack yet? I would be in sensory overload! read more
on inspiration and love